Emotions

   Hello everyone. Well I guess the job that I have is a on call job. Which sucks because I haven't gotten called at all! Jeez and I need money to buy stuff for school already because I start in a week and a half. Plus I want to hang out with my friends, you know go to the beach and stuff. Yesterday we went hiking. I will post a photo. There was mountain lions there that I didn't read that there were.

         

           

It bothers me that I can't center the photos, theres more photos but you know. Never mind I got it. So I went with that "friend" and another friend so that was good. She didn't say stuff that much to me you know the mean stuff. I think its because I have gotten some respect in a way because I have a job and I am in the top 6% at school. Or I have no idea. But I guess we are going to hang out soon with more friends maybe go to the beach or bowling something you know before school starts.

    I got a call from an employer a couple of days ago well on Tuesday. I am guessing the guy is HR. He told me to apply. I applied the day he called. Today is Thursday I haven't heard back... I went to a job fair at school today. I went to turn in a paper that the employer has told me to give to her so I went. I saw some friends that I had well some classmates. I have told you about one of them but we'll talk about that in the next paragraph. So I am going to call the place that called me to apply tomorrow. Maybe around 10 or when I wake up. I really want the job there because the place is 5 stars and the place is close to where I live. Plus there is no on call type thing the place is a retirement facility, so there is no need to travel you know drive to the persons house because the place looks like apartments. I went in to apply and it was really nice inside. I just really hope I can get the job there. My mom hopes I get a job there too. She told me that she thinks that I will get a job there. But I haven't been having a lot of luck. And because she says that she thinks that I will get hired is why I just feel ugh. I don't want to lower her expectations of me. Not only that but I really need this job because the school isn't giving me money to pay for books or anything. So I have to buy a $175 microbiology book not only that but the lab book and some other book for that class. I also have to buy a violin around maybe $170 or so and the music book to learn how to play. I need to get a car, a car costs around well second handed around $1,300 and up. There is also gas that I would need to buy, insurance, registration, well there is a lot. I need to also buy clothes well scrubs for the job and food to survive on. So this is why I need a job. I really need it not only that but it would give me an inside in the nursing field. I actually pray that I get this job. I have prayed, but I don't want to because I will become what I don't want to be, that is a person who only talks or contacts you when they need you. So that is you know messed up. I tried praying everyday but then you feel too sleepy and you forget, next thing you know you haven't prayed in months. My mom told me that maybe God wants me to get the job and that is why he had the person there call me to apply. I really hope that is true.

     Well the job fair. I went to turn in the paper and what not. I saw two classmates there one of them I have talked about on the last post. She kept making me look bad in front of my other classmate and my mom. I tried to bite my tongue the whole time that she was talking shit. Jeez I wish I don't see her again. She has the type of personality where she would always have to be right, and she can't accept otherwise. She keeps stalking what I do, she wants to know everything where I work, when I go to school, what I am doing, everything. Some people like to do that to my like the stick to me like that one "friend" she asked me where I work and where I am going to take the microbiology class. I had to answer of course. So shes taking the class somewhere else which is good. I think she is going to be at Cypress the whole time but I am not sure. I really like Fullerton College they sell Starbucks coffee and really good veggie nachos. Haha. Anyways I wish I were taking yoga this semester or something because I need to get in shape and be calm and get more brain power. I do do better on my own without any distractions when I am at school. I like it. I like staying at school late like coming out at night, I don't know why. But anyways, I hope I do good this upcoming semester.

    I really want to have everything in place now. I want a job now. I need a job now. I will call the employer tomorrow. I really wish and hope that they will say yes to me and contact me for an interview and give me a job. I need this job to you know as I said before school and stuff. I want to buy a treadmill or go to the gym so that is why I need money. Also wow yesterday my sister what a dumbass. She doesn't ask my mom if she can go out she leaves and comes back when she wants or doesn't even come back. Well enough of her she pissed me off really bad yesterday she doesn't have a job and its been more than a year that she has had to get her high school diploma. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. She was supposed to graduate spring '12. But she didn't because she failed some classes and now its taken her over a year to make up those classes she doesn't go to school now or she claims that she goes and instead hangs out with a "friend". That hoe.

     Lets pray that I get called in for an interview and that I get the job. Please guys I need this bad. Well I also hope what my mom says is true. But I have bad luck. Hopefully it changes and I change too. I hope to let go of all this evil that has attached itself to me. I have been feeling more tempered and I am having more trouble taking peoples shit. So that is that. I hope I get this job and I am not going to let the other people know you know those thirsty people that want to know everything about me. Fuck them. My mom told them that I got called from Walnut Village, the place that I want to get hired into. She told them when I went to go get some drinks. So I couldn't say shit. When I came back that thirsty "friend" you know the 900 year old one that still thinks she's a teenager, asked if I got called from the place. Ugh I hate this drama. I am alone all the time and depressed, my head hurts and I still get this shit. Fuck! Well I just have to hold on a while and pray that a job gets me that way I won't be the laughing stock of them or anything.

     Well, I am going to go now and maybe go on Tumblr or something. I will call the place tomorrow so wish me luck guys. Goodnight or whatever the time is where you're at.  

Almost

     Hello. I am happy to say that I finally got a job! Which is good but there is a down side. The job requires a car, which I lack. I do have my drivers licence which I got a while ago. But I don't have a car. So now I am going to have to ask my dad if he could buy me one. Or not. He well he doesn't really get involved in my things like my mom does. Like yesterday my mom and I spent the whole day at the DMV because he didn't want to go in person and pay for the sticker for the car. So yea you know things like that. He doesn't really get involved with my siblings school stuff either its always my mom who's there helping. The only time you will see him is at your graduation. He just expects my mom to do everything and then shows up out of nowhere in the big events that happen in life, but he is there just not really. So I can't really expect him to buy me a car or anything. He already told me that he was going to buy me a car but he hasn't so you see what I mean. He I don't even know. I need a car for the job I got without it I have no idea what I'll do. So now my mom I think is going to buy me a car but her budget is tight because her ankle has gotten swollen from high blood pressure from standing up for long periods of time at her job. So she quit one job because of that and stayed with another which doesn't call her in a lot. So yea I don't know what to do.

     Well you know how people only talk to you when they need you? Well it is true and well ugh let me just explain what happened. So I got a job and then I posted as my status that I had gotten a job. Then this person who I will not say any names but she texted me out of nowhere I swear she never texts or anything unless its for personal gain. So she says where did you get a job at. I ignored her because you know people are stupid. Then she texts me again this time saying and I quote "Sandra!!!". AHH!!! Fuck off I hate you. Well I don't really its just that you are irritating me. I don't judge before getting to know you, as I have said before. When she would talk it would almost always be gossip. She is well older than I you know probably in her late 30's. So you would think that she doesn't gossip as much as a teenager would but she does. That was why I really didn't like being in the middle of a conversation with her. I felt out of place. Well the thing is that she hasn't gotten a job yet and I don't know why that is because she worked previously at another place that she was a caregiver at. So you would think that a person with some experiece would get at job before one with none. Also another well I'll just call her an aquatiance, she said before class ended that she already was offered a job at another place because she knows an LVN who works there. Hahaha well she doesn't have a job because she told me and ofcourse asked where I got the job at. Bitches. I hate it when they do that. Maybe I should ignore them and what not. Well next time I'll hide my status from them.

    Okay, I got my driver's licence and a job, but I am still missing a car. Also I have decided along with my parents that I shouldn't attend CSUF because well it would just be stressful taking classes that I don't need to take. So just that microbiology class with the music class that I want to take, and then work the days I am not in school. So yea I don't know if you've read my previous posts but like I said before, once I get on my feet people are going to be wanting to hang out with me and talk to me. And I was right. Those fucking bitches. Which they are because they are the ones who have put me down previously and now look at them. This one other person which is well a bitch too she would call me ugly so many times now she wants to hang out with me this weekend, well she can go fuck herself because I will not hang out with her after what she has done to me. Jeez seems like everyone likes to put me down. So I wont hang out with them. But that beach thing that I told you guys about well that "friend" said that she would want to go. So now I just have to find a day that everyone would want to go. Also that one "friend" I think she has been readin about how I am doing because I have posted that I got a letter from the school saying that I am in the top 6% in the school. So I know she is jealous because she always asks me what my gpa is and what my grades are. That hoe. So yea she isn't going to stay in my life. I already gave her her things back so the beach is the only thing left to do and then that would be it goodbye, thank you for always puting me down in front of people not! Good thing we don't have any classes together so that is good.

   I have been looking at the things that nurses do and the levels of nursing that there are. I do want to go to Columbia University to get my masters in nursing and become a nurse practitioner. NP's do everything that a doctor does except surgery. So that is cool. Well then my cousin who I met probably months ago lives in the U.K. and she is coming on the 15th. My mom said that we are invited and that all of her husbands family is coming from the U.K. that they have reserved a place by the beach to celebrate their baby sons birthday. Dang you can imagine that. So I think there is going to be a lot of people there. And hopefully I get to buy another dress to wear for that event. Ah well that should be fun. I think its going to be taking place in San Diego, but I'm not sure yet.


   So there are 2 weeks left of summer vacation and I have done nothing fun, as always. I can't say that I am happy that school is starting but it will have me doing something besides sitting on my bed all day doing nothing. I have been locked in my room the whole summer. I mean I have gone outside but that was to the grocery store or something that well is done most of the time. I need to get a car fast. I know my dad isn't going to help me because he like I said is only there when it is essential to be. Not that everything else isn't essential but in the big events he's there. I need to change my life I mean I am in school, have a job, its just that I need more I need a car and I need well not necessarily a social life but to get out of the house. I hope that I get a car soon and that I get to do something before I start school because then by that time you can't really do anything. I think my family except my dad because he never wants to go anywhere, are going to go to the beach. Maybe we'll go to that beach that I suggested that has rocks everywhere I think it was called... I can't remember. But I think we might go there it's by newport. So if we go that would be good.

   I don't know what else to say but I just really want to get my whole act together. I need to mobilize myself and to be active. I have just been in my room the whole entire time. I need to go outside. One of my friends posted on facebook this photo saying "They don't want to help you get to the top. But they want to be around when you get there." That is mostly everyone but there are people who stick by you and help you when you're at your lowest. To those people well thank you. I think that is my family that helps me mostly my mom. So I just need a couple of things to do before the year is over. I can't believe its so close! First I need to get a car, make money from the job to buy books and pay for the car and stuff like that that are essential. Then I need to get straight A's this semester which shouldn't be hard to do because I am only taking two classes. I need to study for the TEAS test and take it in December, which means I need to buy the study guide for the test. I need to get an A average in that test and I really hope I do. I need to apply to nursing schools starting September. I hope to get into CSULB but if I can't then I will just go to WCU. They are both good schools its just CSULB has a better nursing program. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get into that school. I could only hope to get accepted and apply and what not.

    Once that is done next year I need to apply to the nursing program, the schools admission is starting this September, but the program application is in January. For WCU its in April. I still haven't found a third school to apply to just to be safe you know. So I am just going to focus on the things that are now mostly. Let's see if we go to the party on the 15th and yea. Well another summer has past but hopefully I get to go to Europe next year, because the coffee in the U.K was good. Well then, Vale.