The Arrow

   Hello everyone. It's me. Today was such a weird day. I went to the dentist to get my teeth checked for the braces that I might get. The orthodontist said that I would have them for two years if I were to get them. He also mentioned something weird. That I swallow like a baby does. He said that there are 10-20% of people that don't change into the normal swallowing change. So I swallow with my tongue pushing out towards my teeth. While other people swallow by putting their tongue to the roof of their mouth. Anyways he also said that I have a long tongue. So that is why I am pushing it towards my teeth. Well that sucks because he also said that if I continue to swallow as I do that when the braces get taken off that my teeth will lift a little as a result. Okay, well enough of that. I didn't sleep last night because my sister decided to let her "friend" sleep over without asking my parents first. In fact she snuck him in and then snuck him out. It wasn't till later that I found out he was her boyfriend. I swear no one tells me anything. Only to make things worse me and my siblings had to keep quiet that he was here. So she practically dragged us into her problem. The guy doesn't seem like a bad guy. I met him yesterday he seems like a calm person. That wasn't the problem though. The problem was that she drags us into her problems all the time. So since my brother and sister share the room and her boyfriend spent the night. By brother of course wouldn't go to bed. So I offered him to sleep in my bed, and he did which was good. The thing is that I had to break an all nighter. But I slept 30 min prior to my dentist appointment. Oh and I got some of my chemistry project done in that time. So that was good too.

    I am feeling a bit stressed now. Well a lot stressed. I got some sleep after the dentist's appointment and when I woke up I felt a pain in my chest. But only it wasn't physical but like an emotion. You know when you feel sad or happy, it was that kind of emotion. It was pain though. Pain that my soul was leaking out. It hurt so bad that I almost cried. I rarely cry. Only when it hurts a lot. It was the type of pain that you hold in, that you don't let yourself feel till later. Only now all that stored pain was leaking out. Then I remembered what I read on Tumblr it was a picture of an arrow that said this:

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. When life is dragging you with difficulties, it means it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming. 

That is lovely isn't it. I am so down at this point right now when I woke up I felt even worse than I previously do. Like my life, my source of life, the only thing that I could feel was being pulled out of me. It hurt. And I don't know why that happened. But afterwards I felt something. I felt life. And that felt good. I think what happened is that I had a really tough week.

   Besides all of this I am happy that there is only two weeks of school left. I wonder what my score was in the chemistry test. I have so many things to do this upcoming week. I haven't studied for physiology because that class is so difficult. But I will just try to do the questions in the back of the book and look at his powerpoints. I have a low B in that class so I have to focus but my mind and body don't want to study for that class. I hate that class just because I memorized all his power points which were 200 slides. But one of the people that I have in that class told me that she does the back of the book questions and the online quizzes and that is how she has an A in that class. I am made because his tests are all the quizzes that he gives online and whatever but I who spends time memorizing the power points can't have an A. I knew there was a reason why I didn't want to take him this semester. So now I am mad at the teacher ugh.

    It's Tuesday today and I got a B on the chemistry exam. The teacher is giving extra credit so that would help me get an A. Good thing that the final is all multiple choice because her other tests were you either know it or you don't type of thing. So this would be good. I am mid way this week, I have my history and chemistry essay and project, heavy things due tomorrow. So I want to take a shower because I went to the gym and I can't because I ate and then my blood pressure would go up if I go right now. I will go in 8 min, because I can't stand not being able to do anything. Okay I must go now. I'll be back on saturday to finish writing this.

    Hello, it's Thursday night. I know I was supposed to post this way earlier but you know how things go when we are getting closer to the end of school. I am happy that there is only one week of school left. That week is going to be hell. I am going to try to study hard for my Chemistry class because the final is 200 points, also for physiology because that class is so difficult. It's so difficult to memorize and understand all the things that are happening in your body. Wish me luck guys because I know that finals week is going to be hard. I guess I'll just post this now. Well off to study... maybe haha. Tumblr always helps me procrastinate. I guess I'll just do the physiology quiz to get it out of the way. Goodbye and to all of those who are going through finals good luck!

Branching point

     Hello, everyone. It is so hot over here in California, which is the only thing that I don't like about cali. Well, this weekend my aunts and uncle came over to eat I guess it was a mothers day thing because the cake that we bought was a mothers day cake. So it was good to have them here, I guess because we are isolated most of the time. But my dad always invites people and doesn't want to do anything like clean the house or cook the food. So that got me mad because I had to do some things haha. I am so bored today, this heat over here is making me lazy. Like I want to be productive a bit but ah its so hot. This is what I don't like about summer. The heat. I know I live in Cali. but I don't go to the beach much. Primarily because I don't know how to swim, and I don't own a beach cruiser like the other half of Californians do. I kinda want one now, because they are comfortable and are a smooth ride. Plus it would be a good workout for the summer. Lets see if I can get one. I looked up where they are selling and there is one for $50 at Target so I'll call and check if they still have some. So that is what I am looking forward to now, buying a smooth riding bike to cruise and get out of the house and yea. Ah its so hot. I wish our house had an air conditioner. I just went to check on my laundry just now. It wouldn't dry, I think it was because of the wet blankets that were thick that I put in there. So now I am drying them the old fashioned way  by hanging them on the line to air dry. I posted a status on FB that I want a beach cruiser and my friend has one and wants to sell it to me so yay! She says its a baby blue color which is one that I had in mind so that is good.

    I love the summer in California ONLY, and only if I am outside like at the beach or at the park or somewhere that isn't inside the house. So yes that is what is going on here and it is almost 7 PM. I have a chemistry exam coming up on Wednesday that I haven't studied for so I might have to break a nighter because this damn heat is messing me up! Why did we skip spring and went straight into summer. It's damn global warming. I just went to go talk to my sister about going to the store. I need to buy a poster board, vitamin waters and chips for this week. So that is what I am going to do in a while since its still hot! Oh its cooling down now because the sun is going down so that is good.

   I wrote the top half on Sunday night. Today is Thursday night and well hello everyone. I know I write a lot about the little things in life, but that is because that is the only thing that happens to me. I have a headache right now. I am going to wash my dish and make myself a cup of tea. Alright I have made my tea. A tea with milk and some water. It tastes good by the way. I wonder if anyone actually reads my blog, which would be cool. But then at the same time you would see what a mess I am. Which is okay because everyone has their problems and stuff you know. I use this website as a journal. I think this is what this is supposed to be, like we write things that happen in our life and stuff on here. Since I have no one to talk to I use this as a releasing of stress factor. Plus this website is pretty cool. So this week was okay I guess. I never really pay close attention, or in other words I don't pay attention in Physiology class. But today I decided to sit closer to the front. Which by the way wasn't that close because I sit in the very back. I sat one row forward. That "friend" didn't go to school today so she wasn't bothering me. I've seen her always trying to copy my notes and all, and my quizzes in lab. She thinks I don't notice but I do. What a bitch right. I am tired of playing this nice card. I need to grow up I am 20 years old! I need to change I mean being nice is good but there must be a limit to how many stabs you take.

   There are two weeks of school left. I cannot believe that. Its good because I am getting close to getting out of school and to getting that "friend" out of my life oh and to starting the CNA program. The only bad thing is that those 2 weeks are going to fly by, because of all the things you have to study and all the homework you have to do. I have to write an essay for my history class and do a project for my chemistry class. So I am going to write the essay when I am done writing this then I'll see how to do the poster for chemistry and then I'll read the book for physiology. I guess I'll do a nighter tonight? I am not sure on what to do because tomorrow I was supposed to take the driving test but I guess you need to have an appointment so yea I am just going to wake up early at 8 AM and call to see if I need to have an appointment to take it. I just turned on the fan and now its cool in here. I guess I'll just see how far the poster takes me to do. I'll also have to finish reading at least 1 chapter for physiology. I don't think I have much more to write about. Oh I have the dentist appointment for Saturday. I don't know if they will be giving me the braces then or if I would have to go back and get them. So yea that is what is happening. I am going to go finish watching a movie now called Warm Bodies. Then I'll start doing stuff. Good night everyone. 

Change or The Reconsideration?

     Well it's nearly 1AM. here in California. I can't sleep, which sucks because tomorrow is Monday and I have my long day. Well I now know how much it costs to have good stuff. What I mean by stuff is lotions and face cleansers and that kind of stuff. I wasted $81 on food and essentials at Target. Ugh. On the plus side I have an eye mask and stuff. Oh and I went to have dinner at Denny's yesterday (Sunday). It was great. I love bonding with my siblings. Unfortunately the youngest didn't want to go and my parents were too tired to join us. Heres a picture:

So thats is what I we ate. It was good. This post was supposed to be posted Monday night, it is now Thursday night. It is damn school not letting me do things. Anyways, well now that mother's day is coming up I am thinking about where to take my mom to eat. My sister suggested Olive Garden, A Mexican restaurant whose name I don't know or an Italian restaurant whose name I also don't know. Well whatever it is will be good right? I just wonder when we are going to celebrate it Friday or Sunday. Well then that is that. 

     Well, I was feeling a bit depressed for a while though today. I only feel that way when I have nothing to do. I got out of school early today at 1: 40 PM, and I guess that was okay but I'd rather keep myself busy than you know have bad feelings and what not come to me. I went to the doctors, I had to go twice so they could give me the result of the TB test that they did to me. Ah, I always get freaked out when the nurses pierce my skin with a needle. But I have gotten better at that. I haven't been getting that hypertensive around needles now. Also I lied a bit with the application for the CNA program, it asked if I have had blackouts, bad joints, headaches, back pain and ect. Well I have all of those that I just listed I just wrote that I had headaches. It asks in the bottom to give an explanation to why you've had that or those. So I guess I am just going to write that I am up a little late because of school and because of that I've had to read a lot which sometimes gives me headaches cause I do it too much? Ugh, the papers are due tomorrow which is you know soon. So I have to get up, get dressed and take the Doctor paperwork, my social security, cpr cards and a payment for the program. So that is what is going to happen tomorrow. Oh and I want to go watch The Great Gatsby, which comes out tomorrow. But since I am anti-social... well I am not really anti-social I am just I don't know really. Ah, my sister is going to go watch it with a friend. Shes lucky. I didn't know that she likes those type of movies but I guess her friend picked it. So I don't want to go watch it with her and her friend. Whoever this friend is. Because I think its only going to be them two, and who for me to take to watch the movie. Oh, right no one. So yea you know I am not going to go. 

     Sorry about the hold up, it has taken awhile for me to finish this and post it. Well, its taking me awhile to get inspired too. Okay, so yesterday which was Friday I went to make a $300 payment for the CNA program also left some paperwork with them that was required. So now all that is left is $600 to pay. The class starts in a couple of weeks so I am excited about that because I will be wearing a uniform and I'll be studying the basics of nursing. At the same time I will be having that Psychology class that I signed up for the summer. Good thing its online. Next week I have couple of things to do I have a chemistry exam on Wednesday, I think I am going to take the driving exam on Friday (which I have to wake up early for) and on Saturday I have a dentist appointment for braces that I am getting. I am happy that this semester is almost over because it has been a hell.

    Well then I haven't written about what the title is about but here it goes. Change, it can be good or bad. I have been giving thought about what I am going to do about this "friend" and well I have made well not literally but mentally a list of pros and cons about this person and I have come to the conclusion that this person is going to have to leave my life, it will be good for the both of us. I will be free from her pressure and she will learn that she can't expect to treat everyone like shit and have them stick around. So that is it I choose the path of change and I know that it will be good without her. I just can't believe it took me this long to push her away. Probably because I haven't told her that I don't want to be her friend no more. Well I never was her friend because she was never mine. Well then I expect nothing but good things from the end of this semester on out. I will tell her on the last day of school that I don't want her hanging around me anymore and that she doesn't even deserve an explanation as to why I don't want her as a "friend". So yea, I guess that is all I have to write. I have a test on Wednesday so I am going to start studying for it. I also have an essay and a project due soon. So I must go. Well then I can hardly wait till I get her out of my life, she has been a burden for too long, I don't leave people when they do mistakes but if they are hurting me for a long time then I'll let go. This has been the first time I've had to do this, but its for the best. Okay, wish me luck guys I only have 3 more weeks of school left then I do the CNA program and summer school and then University! Ah I am very excited.

One Month

    Hello, everyone or anyone who even takes a glimpse at my blog. I am very excited that there is only one month of school left! As you know or I know, I still haven't received my drivers licence. Which is quite sad and embarrassing because I am 20 years old and well you know you were supposed to have it earlier. Oh well that's me for you. Anyways, life has been going quite badly in some ways but better in others. But I guess that is the definition of life. I don't think I am going to get an A in my physiology class because well its too late to get it. That class is really hard I mean how the hell are we supposed to memorize all the things that happen in the human body in 4 months. Ah, I think I would have done better in that class if I didn't take it with another science. But the good news is that I have an A in chemistry and in my other 2 classes.

     This upcoming week is going to be okay. I have a doctors appointment for a physical that I need for the CNA school. Also I think I am going to make an appointment for to see the dentist so I  can get my braces. So yea that is what is going on right now. I guess I should also make an appointment for the DMV and to also get exempted. So I shall make calls soon. I am such in a good mood that school is almost over. This semester is hell. I plan to take three summer classes psychology 139 which is about the life cycle, reading 96 and a counseling class. Oh and also that CNA course is going to happen in the summer too. The last day of school is on a Thursday and my first day of school is on Friday. That is going to be so fun... not. But I am just happy that after the CNA course I will get a job and then you know I will have a car by then and my license. So that is just what makes me happy that I would be independent. Also now that there is only one month of school left well that means I will be getting rid of my burden, you know that "friend." Haha. I am also excited for that to happen. Then after summer school is over my mom said that we are going to go to Mexico. But you know I just don't like how my mom doesn't plan things months before. Anyways, after that trip I will be in University and I will take that violin class that I have been wanting to take for a while now. Then when this year is over, the next year I shall have made reservations and have bought a ticket to Italy! Even if my parents don't go I will! Then I shall perhaps be admitted to a nursing program starting in the Fall. Very excited for this month to be over.

    So I have already told you guys about my plans. They are wonderful I am so very excited to be going to University and to Europe again. I am wondering about what classes I am going to take for the Fall. I was thinking microbiology, reading, violin, yoga and a psychology class. Yea that sounds like a good schedule. Well then awesome. I can feel change and happiness coming my way. It has been a while since I have felt this way. Once I generate my own income and have my own car I can do things like go shopping and go hiking which I love to do. Ah, very happy for my future I am. Well then I hope everything that I want goes as expected. As for you all I wish you the best too. I was on tumblr and I found this quote that someone wrote:

    I don't associate myself with people who will do anything to bring me down.  I will surround myself with only positive people.  Life is too short to be constantly upset and worrying all the time.  Focus on what’s important; your happiness. 

What a positive quote right? My happiness is what is important, focus on yourselves because you only have one life so make it a good one. Don't let negative people drag you down be positive, happy and do what you love.

    I guess that is all I have to write. I leave you all feeling optimistic. I hope everything turns out the way I want it to for once please let it turn out my way. Goodnight.