I have been having a
lot of trouble realizing and noting the good things that have been happening in
my life. I think I have been numbed to the realization of the good around me. I
had something happen to me that should have yielded a reaction, but
instead I was unaware of what the gesture meant. I just carried on like nothing
had happen. It's weird that the universe makes things happen when you least
expect it or when you least want something to happen. With that I close the
spring semester at school.
Who isn't a dreamer? We are all guilty of playing scenarios in our minds as an escape from the life that we live in. With imagination we gain a little bit of euphoria, but when you stop; open your eyes, get out of bed or go to work, you see that your dreams and your desires only exist in the neurons of your brain. Of course we then fall into sadness because when we compare our life verses the one in our head they don't match up.
It's summertime right now and I have some time to finally think, read and relax. I have been mostly stuck in my mind, replaying parts of my life, changing actions that I have taken and making up different outcomes for different actions taken. I suppose that is how I keep myself sane, also with movies I like movies about philosophy, life, and weird positions that a character is in that are not of norm.
Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my life. I don't really do much except go to work and school, both take up a lot of time and are vital. I am trying to find a balance to living life. At this point of my life the only thing that I should be doing is focusing on school and work. Those things are good but what about travel, adventure and entities that are yet to be discovered by oneself. That is the part I have been having trouble with, and I am sure most people have trouble growing too.
I ran into this quote. I had seen it before a couple of years ago; and it reminded me of how I wanted to study in Glasgow, Scotland. I thought of how badly I wanted to move out of California and into Europe. Moving away and being somewhere completely different was always something that I wanted to do. At present time I have lost the desire to move, in fact traveling to different places isn't something that I think about doing anymore. Everything feels bland to me. I have lost my dreams and desires; aren't these a couple of things that make us human?
What happens if you don't feel like doing the things you once wanted to do? It's like the dreams you've had died and the wanting to do all these things doesn't exist in me anymore. Should I try to do these things? Might that ignite a light of emotion within me, if I pursue my dead goals?
Good and bad things happen in life, it is noted that if these things happen it means you're alive. It's kinda hard to note the good things that are happening, but we can always go to the basics for that. Food, shelter, health, having a job and being able to go to school are a couple of things that I can count as blessings. The bad well I suppose I could change it, or at least I think I could.
I did something that I feel bad about and that is regarding some friends. It is definitely a long story and a story that I didn't know was happening that involved me. Things were said, words are translated differently, it happens, it is one of the oldest things that we know. I really till this day don't even know what exactly happened. But I do feel bad for casting out a friend. I just don't know why she didn't let me understand why or if the things said were true, although she did admit to some things. It leaves still many open questions that may never be answered. I like to think that I try to understand things and this is something that I've wanted to talk to these people about. I wanted to figure out what was happening and if the things I were told were true. Anyway the thing is that I have known these people for a long time so I was ready to forgive and forget as they say. People are not perfect so that is what I had in mind while hearing these things as well as a lot of rage, and man I haven't felt rage like that in ages.
I am an adult I thought, I am open minded and I do not make up my mind quickly without hearing details and trying to understand what had happened. Long story short, things were said about people and they were not good things. As always you can't believe everything you hear about people so I asked and some of the things said were confirmed and others weren't acknowledged or answered. Anyway I really wanted to clear things up, put a patch on it and move on as if nothing happened.
I was really mad, shocked, surprised and kinda sad because the things that were said were mostly about me and they weren't good. If the things said were valid, then I didn't know I was that much of bitch to be around with. It didn't matter to me if it was one or two or how every many were acknowledged as being said. I was mad because I have known these girls for the longest time and I wouldn't say things like that to other people about them. That's what disappointed me, is that I wouldn't do that to them, and yet it ended up happening to me. And they aren't perfect, no one is, so I could have said somethings about them as well.
I've know these people for a long time so a little thing like this shouldn't have blown up to what it did. So I tried to get us all together so we can talk, chill over some coffee and figure out what had happen. One of them didn't wanna show, at one point she said she could and then she said she wouldn't because of the other girl. Anyway it was so stupid. I was just completely over how childish the behaviors shown were. They had their own drama from parts of what I have heard. Two of us were cool with meeting and talking, we were both putting aside our egos and wanting to find peace, because, or at least on my behalf we know that stuff like this happens, no one is perfect and we have known each other long enough to let a little thing like this set us all apart, on my end at least.
There are infinite possibilities that could have caused this to happen. Yes, I have even considered the possibility of myself as being a spawn of evil and/or life ruiner among other things,that may have been why this happened. Or we can blame it on the fabric of the universe and say the universe had this planned all along, and that things happen for a reason. There are many ways or things we can say to try to justify what happened. Anyway, it happened, it might be able to change but that is if someone has guts to try to make us all try to unscramble the mess that happened.
Point in life as a growing adult; I have read so many things about, oh you'll regret this or that if you didn't have the courage to change or pursue it. There are a lot of quotes, books, knowledge and advice that people give on that sort of topic. As a person who has lived for a while and has had experiences, that I have wished I could have had the guts to pursue what I wanted or said something that I wanted to say; I am saying that life does move fast and it is really short. So it doesn't matter what it is that you want to do, you should do it, even if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to go, at least you won't have to spend your life wondering about the different outcomes of situations; the " what ifs..."
Yin and Yang, cannot exist without the other half, good and bad, negative and positive exist together. Positive and negative exists within us. I remember someone told me that that is why bad things happen, because the good cannot exist without the bad, and the bad cannot exist without good.
Lotus Eater: n. a member of a people represented by Homer as in a state of dreamy forgetfulness and idleness as a result of eating the fruit of the lotus plant.
Who isn't a dreamer? We are all guilty of playing scenarios in our minds as an escape from the life that we live in. With imagination we gain a little bit of euphoria, but when you stop; open your eyes, get out of bed or go to work, you see that your dreams and your desires only exist in the neurons of your brain. Of course we then fall into sadness because when we compare our life verses the one in our head they don't match up.
It's summertime right now and I have some time to finally think, read and relax. I have been mostly stuck in my mind, replaying parts of my life, changing actions that I have taken and making up different outcomes for different actions taken. I suppose that is how I keep myself sane, also with movies I like movies about philosophy, life, and weird positions that a character is in that are not of norm.
Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my life. I don't really do much except go to work and school, both take up a lot of time and are vital. I am trying to find a balance to living life. At this point of my life the only thing that I should be doing is focusing on school and work. Those things are good but what about travel, adventure and entities that are yet to be discovered by oneself. That is the part I have been having trouble with, and I am sure most people have trouble growing too.
"You should do what you said you were going to do that one time before you got all tired and then got super busy and pretty much forgot... you really should."
I ran into this quote. I had seen it before a couple of years ago; and it reminded me of how I wanted to study in Glasgow, Scotland. I thought of how badly I wanted to move out of California and into Europe. Moving away and being somewhere completely different was always something that I wanted to do. At present time I have lost the desire to move, in fact traveling to different places isn't something that I think about doing anymore. Everything feels bland to me. I have lost my dreams and desires; aren't these a couple of things that make us human?
What happens if you don't feel like doing the things you once wanted to do? It's like the dreams you've had died and the wanting to do all these things doesn't exist in me anymore. Should I try to do these things? Might that ignite a light of emotion within me, if I pursue my dead goals?
Good and bad things happen in life, it is noted that if these things happen it means you're alive. It's kinda hard to note the good things that are happening, but we can always go to the basics for that. Food, shelter, health, having a job and being able to go to school are a couple of things that I can count as blessings. The bad well I suppose I could change it, or at least I think I could.
I did something that I feel bad about and that is regarding some friends. It is definitely a long story and a story that I didn't know was happening that involved me. Things were said, words are translated differently, it happens, it is one of the oldest things that we know. I really till this day don't even know what exactly happened. But I do feel bad for casting out a friend. I just don't know why she didn't let me understand why or if the things said were true, although she did admit to some things. It leaves still many open questions that may never be answered. I like to think that I try to understand things and this is something that I've wanted to talk to these people about. I wanted to figure out what was happening and if the things I were told were true. Anyway the thing is that I have known these people for a long time so I was ready to forgive and forget as they say. People are not perfect so that is what I had in mind while hearing these things as well as a lot of rage, and man I haven't felt rage like that in ages.
I am an adult I thought, I am open minded and I do not make up my mind quickly without hearing details and trying to understand what had happened. Long story short, things were said about people and they were not good things. As always you can't believe everything you hear about people so I asked and some of the things said were confirmed and others weren't acknowledged or answered. Anyway I really wanted to clear things up, put a patch on it and move on as if nothing happened.
I was really mad, shocked, surprised and kinda sad because the things that were said were mostly about me and they weren't good. If the things said were valid, then I didn't know I was that much of bitch to be around with. It didn't matter to me if it was one or two or how every many were acknowledged as being said. I was mad because I have known these girls for the longest time and I wouldn't say things like that to other people about them. That's what disappointed me, is that I wouldn't do that to them, and yet it ended up happening to me. And they aren't perfect, no one is, so I could have said somethings about them as well.
I've know these people for a long time so a little thing like this shouldn't have blown up to what it did. So I tried to get us all together so we can talk, chill over some coffee and figure out what had happen. One of them didn't wanna show, at one point she said she could and then she said she wouldn't because of the other girl. Anyway it was so stupid. I was just completely over how childish the behaviors shown were. They had their own drama from parts of what I have heard. Two of us were cool with meeting and talking, we were both putting aside our egos and wanting to find peace, because, or at least on my behalf we know that stuff like this happens, no one is perfect and we have known each other long enough to let a little thing like this set us all apart, on my end at least.
There are infinite possibilities that could have caused this to happen. Yes, I have even considered the possibility of myself as being a spawn of evil and/or life ruiner among other things,that may have been why this happened. Or we can blame it on the fabric of the universe and say the universe had this planned all along, and that things happen for a reason. There are many ways or things we can say to try to justify what happened. Anyway, it happened, it might be able to change but that is if someone has guts to try to make us all try to unscramble the mess that happened.
Point in life as a growing adult; I have read so many things about, oh you'll regret this or that if you didn't have the courage to change or pursue it. There are a lot of quotes, books, knowledge and advice that people give on that sort of topic. As a person who has lived for a while and has had experiences, that I have wished I could have had the guts to pursue what I wanted or said something that I wanted to say; I am saying that life does move fast and it is really short. So it doesn't matter what it is that you want to do, you should do it, even if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to go, at least you won't have to spend your life wondering about the different outcomes of situations; the " what ifs..."
Yin and Yang, cannot exist without the other half, good and bad, negative and positive exist together. Positive and negative exists within us. I remember someone told me that that is why bad things happen, because the good cannot exist without the bad, and the bad cannot exist without good.
