Better

     I passed the exam! I was scared when in line waiting for my exam to be graded good thing I changed those two questions, if I hadn't I wouldn't have passed. Well now that that is over with I have two weeks to do the actual driving test. I am very nervous about that because I get distracted easily. My friends have offered for me to drive their car since they have smaller cars which would make it easier for me to drive them. On another point my mom was called to work at JC Penny which is great but I still hope she gets that other job at the supermarket that way she could quit the full of drama work that she has at Kohl's. But at least she got called to work at  JC Penny again. I myself have been wanting to pursue a job but its gonna have to be after I do the CNA program at Summit College. That way I would be getting a bit of practice in the basics of Nursing and I would be getting paid for it. Plus I could use that work to show CSUF and CSULB. I really really really REALLY!!!!!! want to get into CSULB because it has the best Nursing program out of the Cal States. Because it is a good school and lots of people are trying to get into nursing programs here in California it is most difficult to get accepted. But I hope that I get in. It may not happen because I failed well got a B in chemistry and anatomy. With the new semester coming up I hope to be strong to handle the double science I have to take and the TEAS test which I hear is difficult. So I must study very hard and get rid of the people who tell me that I cannot pass. But this year, this year is going to be different. Although I keep falling into bad habits, I do hope I can over come them. I don't know if these bad habits have come because of a lack of a support group, you know friends. I don't have a friend friend, one that won't judge me or bring me down, one that I could tell everything to and would listen and I would do the same to them. 

    My hopes for this new year are first that I get my drivers licence, which I have 2 weeks to get. Second that I pass every class with an A, third that I do good in the CNA program that I'll be attending in the summer, fourth that I could be able to handle the CNA program and 2 other classes in the summer being a reading class that I really hope would be offered in the summer at Fullerton if not I'll attend another school that does offer it. Fifth that I be able to get job with the CNA certification. Sixth that the fall semester of this year would be awesome at CSUF, seventh that I get the classes that I need to take at CSUF. Eight that I be able to take a class that teaches me how to play the violin. Ninth that I pass the TEAS test with at least a 95% (which is going to be difficult, but of course not impossible). Tenth that I graduate from Fullerton College with an AA in Pre-Nursing. Eleventh that I be able to get into CSULB's nursing program by also passing their math test with a 100%. By doing all of the things I have listed I would be a good candidate for CSULB I really hope I get in. I also hope that all these things that I have written and more good things come for me and my family this year.

     Unfortunately, my aunt is really sick, she was diagnosed with cancer stage 4. Shes a really good aunt and I hope that she gets better. She was given her first round of chemo today. I am just going to leave her to God. I know that she could fight cancer if the situation in her family clears up. I know shes going to make it because she is strong and she will not let herself get beaten by this disease. We are planning to take her to Las Vegas, which is great cause over there she wont be thinking about her cancer. So I hope that we could take her. I think we are going in the summer. Lets hope I can go too, that its before I start school. Please let her cancer leaver her body I know she'll be fine if I just leave her to you God so please help her. This sucks cause last year my grandma passed away and now these news. There have been many bad news. I believe the reason bad things happen is to show a person or ourselves a lesson. Unfortunately sometimes the bad thing that happens is extreme and or leaves us broken. So I hope my aunts family changes like me and my family as well as everyone need to change. To become a better person.

My hopes were written here and I wish for them to become true. I start school in less than a week so we have to get started and get a move on on stuff. 

     I am in disgust with myself I am filled with jealousy, I hate being with this feeling! Its not human. I have also been picking up bad habits, which I am trying to get rid of. The bad things that I am doing must go, I must change. I must. I will. I will change, and I will become the person that I dream of becoming. A loving, warm, good, successful person.  

     

Ready or Not

     Tomorrow I take my driving test, I hope I pass. I am currently taking online tests to prepare me. It is my goal to pass and to get my drivers licence by the end of this month, so that way I would have it before I start school on February. By having the licence I would be able to not bother anyone... wait I have to get a car in order not to bother. Well at least I would know how to drive. Also my mom got called back from her job, I hope she gets it. Today I went to Starbucks and tried the strawberries and cream drink. I didn't find it pleasing so I am sticking to the Caramel Frappachino that I like. Well while at Starbucks I heard some people talking about their Nursing studies and how they would like to be a doctor. I have the same perspective as those people. After being at Starbucks for a while my sister came and tasted the strawberry drink, she liked it, unlike I. Then we headed to Cancun, a Mexican cuisine. They sell great food there but I always end up getting the bean cheese burrito because I am a Vegetarian. My sister got a burrito but with meat, it looked good.

      I think I am a little afraid of going to the dmv tomorrow. Like what if I don't pass... you get three tries but I don't wanna go back and take it again. Maybe this anxiety is coming from pride. I hope not. So I think I am going to stay up till midnight taking practice exams and reviewing the booklet. Then I shall wake up at 7 AM and continue to study. My mom is going to take me at around 10 or 11 AM so I'll waste that time studying till we get there. I really hope I pass. I have been having a little trouble with the questions because of the wording, if you don't read it carefully then you could get it wrong. I can't wait though till I pass and get to take the driving test which is gonna be a nerve wrecker. But I'll do it just to get the freedom to drive. My parents wanna buy me a Mercedes Benz car, I insist them not to. I just want a car to get me to and from school.

     School. I could wait to go back. I signed up for another class today and waitlisted for another. I don't know if I am making the right decision by adding another class to my schedule while already enrolled in two science classes, the classes that I have to get an A in to be looked at by my dream school, Cal State Long Beach. I was so close last semester in getting an A in chemistry. I don't know why I didn't want to get the A. I perhaps lack motivation. Which I have gained during the break. I will get a 4.00 this semester and for the rest of my college attendance. I will.

     Yesterday I didn't write in this blog because I received bad news. So I wish my aunt well and her family as well. I will continue the prayers I make for her and her family. Tomorrow is going to be a hassle. As I said I'll be taking my exam and then I may go visit my aunt with my family, I think we are going to take her somewhere, I don't know where though.

   Well I best be getting back to studying if I want to drive. Wish me, my mom and my aunt luck.

Goodnight.

Going a bit insane

     Today was a really weird and dreadful day. I woke up this morning with a really bad headache, the type I get when I am under stress. On top of that our main pipe at our house started to leak, so we had to call a plumber and remove the pipe which leaves us with no water inside the house. It is 7:21 PM here in California and the whole day we have spent it without any water, so no washing dishes, no washing your hands no nothing. It's a good thing we live by many stores so we can just go to use their bathroom. Well, the plumber is still working on the pipes I hope he finishes soon so I could wash the dishes and be productive. 

     

     This morning with the hurtful headache and the pipe problem I spent watching the 1963 episodes of Doctor Who. The first doctor is great, just not loving the black and white, I wonder at what season or episode the show will turn into color. Also wondering how the first doctors regeneration is going to be like. Today I also sold my second book off of craigslist, which is great because I need the money to pay a hospital bill and the books that I have to buy for school. Seriously, I spent $145 on a physiology book that I need. The science classes are pricey, and on top of that I need to buy a lab manual for that class as well as for the other science class that I have to take. I hope that this time around I can get all A's in my science classes, well in all classes. Being a Nursing major I cannot afford a B on anything. I just hope, really hope I can pass everything without giving into being tired or not wanting to go the extra mile on anything because I am tired or sleepy or whatever. Plus I am going to graduate this year in the fall with an associates in nursing (pre-nursing) to show that I have completed the pre-reqs for the nursing program. 

     

     Since I am still on break from school, I have been doing nothing!! Nothing. I have barely any friends, some people say it's because I'm in college, but I know people that are in college and go out every weekend to parties and stuff. Not that I want to go to any parties, but those people are still going out to have some fun. I believe that that helps a person, you know going out to have some fun, we all have different styles of having fun. But seriously I need to get out of my house, I have been in here since last year, the only place I have been to be social was to my aunts house for her new years party well and also my friend came to visit the other day but it was out of the blue and we stayed in my area, so I wouldn't consider that going out even though we went to some stores, I have all around me like I stated earlier I live by lots of stores. 

   

    Any way I really want to go watch "The Hobbit" or any good movie that is coming out or is out in theaters. Maybe I might go watch "Star Trek" because Benedict Cumberbatch is in it. I don't mind going alone, I just want to go watch these movies! With two weeks left before I go back to school I am not really freaking out but just disappointed that I haven't done anything this whole, very very long break. My family and I were supposed to go to Bakersfield today but we didn't because of the money problem. My stupid self gets everyone in trouble. I am embarrassed because my mom has to pay that damn hospital bill, and I haven't got a job to help her out. and God please help her get that job at that store so she can quit that crummy job she has and have this new job. On the topics of jobs I am planning to do a CNA program this summer. Only 6 weeks and the school helps you get a job, so I am really looking forward to doing that. I could help my mom with the bill and get the foundations of nursing in my system.

 

    Now I am currently watching the "War Horse".  Tom and Benedict are in it. But the damn movie keeps pausing every millisecond. Hopefully I would be able to watch it because I have been wanting to watch it for a while now. See what staying in the house makes you do, I have been watching movies and TV shows all day. You might ask why I don't go get a job then, well with 2 weeks before school starts I don't think it would make a difference. Although it will get me out of the house. If I do pursue a job the federal aid that I am receiving will decrease and I need that for school because well I wouldn't have enough money to attend full time with just making minimum wage. 

    On the other hand because I am in here, in my house the whole day! Everyday. Every second of every minute. I believe I have gone a bit insane. I have been sitting or laying in my bed just writing in my blog, watching movies, TV shows, eating, or whatever. I mean I do go to the store but that still not enough. I have been in here for too long. So next week I will make it my goal to go to the DMV to get my permit and to watch "The Hobbit". I will do it. So for the end I will continue to watch the "War Horse" in hopes that it loads, if not I will probably go on facebook, browse tumblr, or clean a bit. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day and that the pipes get fixed fast. Well I will go now, it seems I wrote a lot today because I have too much time on my hands. Well goodnight everyone.  

Tired of the Cold

 
                                                      Tired of the Cold

      Today my "friend" and I were supposed to go watch a movie in theaters with my sister and her friend. Which is cool I was excited about going to watch "The Hobbit." I even woke up early (5 am) to study for my driving test so I would be able to make it to the movie at the set time. When studying I gave up and started watching Doctor Who, great episode that was. I stayed up the whole time studying and that was okay but then my mom said that I would have to choose between going to the theaters and taking the exam. I chose the theaters because I didn't want to mess up the plan that we all agreed about. About thirty minutes before we had to go to the theater, my friend decides to not go. She says that her mom was taking care of a kid and that then she had to take care of him because her mom had to go to work. I know this shouldn't strike hard on me but I also told my sister and her friend that we were going to go. My sisters friend came from Huntington Park, in which he had to be in the bus for three hours just to get here... I feel so bad for just making him come. Hopefully he and my sister are not bored.
   
     Well, so I asked my other friend to join me and my sister and her friend, just to hangout. No movie. Just sitting. She then said that she had to check with her parents, I waited and then she said that she had to wait for her mom. I got the hint. Called her out on it, she made and excuse, and I pretended like it was okay. Now, I know I may sound a bit harsh but if you don't want to hang out then just say so from the beginning. Don't waste my time, just say it straight.
   
    I am now just sitting here in my room. Alone wondering how it got to this. I used to love people, I would help them in anything, in anyway I could. I guess it was just experience, you know you put your trust in someone and then they stab you in the back. In spite of that, I still think people are good. We all make mistakes for we are human and nobody is perfect. I just keep that in mind, me myself is not perfect. We all are not. I just hope to some day find someone who's great. A friend that's all I'm asking for, someone who knows not of jealousy, or anger. A pure soul. Would be the great friend to anybody. Now, I am aware that nobody is perfect like I have stated previously; I just want someone who will have my back you know someone who won't call me stupid or ugly like my so called "friends" have.   

     I was watching a BBC  bibliography about Vincent Van Gogh earlier today, may I say simple wonderful. I haven't finished it yet but Benedict Cumberbatch as Van Gogh is great. I shall finish it after I am done writing.

     I hope I can pass my driving test (written part) tomorrow or on Tuesday. I am too old to not have a drivers licence. I have studied but I need to study more, just till I feel confident when walking into the exam. Its embarrassing to say but I am twenty years old so I need the licence not only for my benefit but for my parents. So I can help them take my siblings to school as well as myself.

     My mom applied for a job today, so she can get out of the crummy job she has at Kohl's. Too much drama she's putting up with there. Well I wish her the best of luck on getting the job.

     Well, I guess I'm off to study then. Wish me and my mom luck, my lovely audience, which I lack.