"In my place, in my place
Where the lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yea
I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines that I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yea"
I should be terrified. I should be scared of what I am. Of who I've become. How did I end up in such a mess? When I was younger I never pictured my future how it is now. I thought I'd be happy and successful; but instead I am the opposite. I am depressed and a failure. How did I get here? and how do I change to become the opposite of what I am now? I feel nothing no happiness, no shame, no excitement, no change, no humanity feelings. I want to change because you know it will be good. Good for myself and my family who I impose my feelings towards. The thing is I have no desire to change. And for that reason I should be terrified, but I am not.... How in the world do I get out of this if I have no desire to? My physiology teacher said in lecture that if you live by the vegetarian diet and don't know how to feed yourself that it can lead to depression. Perhaps that is what happened to me. And perhaps that is one of the first steps to feeling the desire to get out of this slump. So I am going to try to eat better. Its nearly 3 AM and I have to wake up early at 7:30 AM to get to school and what not. School, another thing draining me out of energy, but I'd rather be going to school than be at home doing nothing. I always do the same thing you know feel bad for being who I am and then I do nothing about it. I need someone to rescue me from myself. Who would that be? Perhaps God? I don't know. I pray, a bit but then I fall into the same hole that I was trying to get out of. I need help. I have to be strong to get myself out of what I have fallen into. Because I know there is going to be no one helping me. Inspiration is what I need. Out of depression is what is essential to be. But how? How am I going to get out of this?
No comments:
Post a Comment