The Fall

     Today was the last day of school. I have taken 2 heavy science classes. I know I have failed one and the other I am just waiting to know my grade. There is nothing I can do now. The college teachers have voted on having a short semester which means that the finals are all in one week. I know if it were the other way when we had two weeks to do finals that I would have gotten the grades that I wanted. There is this thing that I haven't been wanting to face and that is the fact that I do not want to become a nurse. I know its bad for me to say that. I mean I know the job pays good money but the work is just not stimulating me. When I was younger I wanted to become an artist. Then I got told by mom that I should stop drawing and get doing math or science reading because drawing wasn't going to get me anywhere. It's difficult to be a parent. I mean I am not a parent but the way you act, what you say and your philosophy in life will greatly impact what your child would believe when he or she gets older or what he or she would do when they get older. I am getting older. I haven't faced life to the extreme yet. I haven't done the basics in life to help prepare for the future. When I was in high school I didn't know what I wanted to study when I was going to go to college. I didn't even know what college I wanted to go to. At first when I was in the last months of high school. I started thinking about what I wanted to study. I told my parents that I wanted to study psychology. I liked psychology. It was interesting to me and that wasn't the first time that I thought about being a psychologist. Plus in my psychology class I got the highest grade of all not only for that class but also for my economics class. So I was thinking about doing one of those things. I also thought about studying business. But my parents wouldn't let me study what I was interested in. The last thing in my mind was studying for something in the health field. They rejected all of the things that I wanted to major in so I purposed nursing. With the hope that they would say no. They said that that was a good major to study for, but I didn't feel a connection to nursing. Like sure its good that you are helping people or saving lives or whatever but I just don't know. It wasn't what my soul wanted to do for the rest of life.

   I don't feel like doing nursing for the rest of my life. I am now thinking about studying something else after I am done with nursing. Probably English or something that I think is cool. The funny thing is that I was considering med school before I felt this way. Before I noticed that I don't want to kill someone or something like that. Before I noticed that I had numbed myself for too long. That now I have to be free. That now I must choose in life. That now I am facing reality and emotions. I am having trouble writing, I feel bad like the back of my head hurts. I have switched my position. I am laying on my belly. Well, then I will tell you all something. Well I guess that had to wait a while. I was going to tell you all something yesterday but I believe that it will come up when the time is right. I want to get this post done today so I will. I have been leaving blogs saved to finish later, which is not good because then I loose the feel to what I was going to write about.

   Well, today Monday June 3, 2013. It was my first official day in CNA class. It was hard because we had to sit there from 8 AM to 3 PM. The teacher let us out early, our class was supposed to end at 5 PM so imagine that. I literally was falling asleep in class. I mean I have felt tired before in class but not to the point where my eyes were rolling to the back of my head to sleep. Perhaps because what he was talking about wasn't that interesting. It was mostly basic stuff, and we all had to sit there and listen to him. We got through about 5 chapters. I am not sure on how many but yea. It was not good. Then when he started talking about the hospital setting and skills, skills the things that we have to do that involve us actually using our bodies. That is when we all woke up. Well at least I. Ah, I was so sleepy. But now that I have drank soda, that is what is keeping me writing. Yesterday was Sunday. It was my aunts birthday. It was like every Sunday because we have been inviting my aunts and others over so it has been going on for a while this whole Sunday dinner thing. Well towards the end, like when everyone was going to leave in an hour or so, we decided to talk about school. I said that I didn't want to be a nurse. But this was when we were like half way done talking about that topic. Then my cousin the one that I thought was going to CSULB for nursing school actually quit that because her mom was forcing her to study that. Which was exactly what was happening to me. So now everyone is like okay you can study something else. But now that I wasted 3 years studying for it. Anyways I know why my parents want me to study nursing, that is because you have a guaranteed job. So I am just going to stick through this whole process, then when I am done I will study something else. I was thinking biochemistry or astrophysics. Guess which one is in demand. Yea, biochemistry. The hard degrees to get are in demand. But I'll see what will happen in the future.

   I don't know if I should write about the real revolver of my life, well one of the major pieces that come into play. I will leave that for later. Now for nursing I hope I like it a bit, it seems okay, but I'll make a better criticism when I finish the program, criticism on my behalf which doesn't account for everyone but just my point of view. So 3/4ths of my final grades are posted on my transcript right now. I got an A in chemistry, but got hit in the face by the C in physiology. Which in reality doesn't hurt my persona because well you know I am not passionate about that topic. Which was probably why I got that grade. Now I cannot apply to CSUF. I am thinking about just going to West Coast University (wcu) and hopefully transferring to CSULB. HOPEFULLY. Well then that is what happened. I have never gotten a C in a college course before so that physiology class was the first. My lab teacher in Physiology said that anatomy was the easiest, then microbiology then physiology. I thought that microbiology was going to be the hardest. But it wasn't. I mean I have no idea because I haven't taken that class yet. So I am just going to still apply for CSULB, WCU and I have no idea what other schools. But if I leave Orange County then I will have to work and get a roommate. So I don't know if I am ready for that transition. But we'll see in the future. Since Fall of 2014 I would be enrolled in a nursing program. Well then that is mostly all I have to say besides the fact that I am always a loner in small classes. I mean today the one person I met on the first day sat with someone else then told me to join them so I have no idea because I wasn't presented to the other person. And the person that I met on the first day wants to have lunch tomorrow. God help me because I have no idea how awkward that lunch is going to be with the other person that I don't know there but kept bumping into a lot. AH. Wish me luck guys I am going to try to finish the orientation for CSUF and then get some things ready for school tomorrow. Good luck to you guys in whatever it is you are trying to achieve.