Scrap

   Hello. I have just completed my first week of the CNA program. It was weird, I have to tell you. I felt uncomfortable. I think it was because we have to get up early, like sometimes we start class at 8 AM and sometimes at 7 AM. So that throws me off because I don't like getting up early and I don't perform well under those circumstances. I have this really weird feeling in my head right now. I have had it for a while. By a while I mean for about 7 years. 7 years is when it grew. The feeling is that I have no feeling for knowing that life is real. My emotions or senses that are specifically for knowing that I am awake and not in a dream have not been working for 7 years. I have told you all about the how I can't feel emotions that well anymore. I can't which sucks. Music somewhat moves me to a degree. It used to move me a lot. Along with that I haven't grasped the fact that I am an adult. I mean I don't feel like an adult. I am 20 years old. I have done 3 years of college work. Looking back at those three years I have lost a lot, because in the beginning I was so inspired, so happy, so ready to change. But because of that "friend" that I was too I guess nice to tell her to leave, or I guess to tell her to stop being a bitch, or to stop being stupid and arrogant. Because of that person... she did so much harm to me. She is the one who turned me into a emotionless person. She took my dignity away. To anyone who we met, because she always wanted or wants I shall say wanted because I am not going to let her out of my life. I guess I am a coward because I am just going to give her her stuff back that I borrowed, but I am not going to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. I should right? Just because you know I would have something, but I will if she wants me to hang out with her or if she wants to come to my supposed 21st birthday party. I say supposed because I rarely have birthday parties. I just might go out to eat with my family and then go home and relax, if my birthday doesn't fall on a weekday. I just checked the calendar and my birthday falls on a Saturday. Which is good because well maybe I don't know how the school situation is going to be then.

   Oh, yes I keep getting freaked out by the whole school situation because well I can't remember saying that I wanted to take the violin class in the fall, but I do, and the school is offering it. The whole school thing is so complex right now because I am going to be attending the college and university of Fullerton. So yea. I just found out that the microbio and music class fall on monday wednesday so that is good, because I am going to or am planning to attend the university on tuesday thursday. So I have to finish the orientation for the school and then check their schedule and what not. I am hoping to get ethnic studies and maybe a counseling class or something easy that is 3 units to have a full time status at the school. I have to have more units at the university than the college so finding an easy 3 unit class I need. I am excited to take the violin class. Even though the schedule doesn't say who would be teaching it. I have to pay the college tuition out of pocket unfortunately. That is why I am going to get a job hopefully as a CNA, to get money to pay the class and books and what not. I mean I could take the microbio class at csuf but its only 4 units there and 5 units at the college. I need to get an A and I will get an A. I will because I will be focused, I pray. But also free from the bitch. Maybe me calling her a bitch seems confusing to some of you. I shall tell you the story why she deserves to be called that, perhaps in my next blog entry, that way we can be on the same page, and you guys won't be wondering why I call her that. 

    Well then I start the second week of school tomorrow. I should think myself crazy with all the schooling that I am doing this year. I must be focused but my headaches have been with me the whole way. I guess I must do yoga in the weekends and what not. Perhaps also keep away from the laptop but that is my only form of entertainment. I mean you all know I have no friends and no boyfriend and whatever. I am now thinking about those guys that wanted to date me but I purposely did something to keep them away. Ugh, but its like my family is going to like say ooo Sandra has a boyfriend and whatever. I don't like those things. So I don't know what to do about a boyfriend. I went to study on Saturday with a couple of acquaintances that I have at school. It was good. I got a ride there from an acquaintance. Then when we were done my Dad picked me up, we went to go get pizza and then I watched a movie (which is what I do for entertainment because you know) then I got ready to go to Kohls and Starbucks around 10 PM. Here is a picture of what I bought at Starbucks:  

It is a vanilla bean frappuccino and a cheese danish. It was good, and that concludes my Saturday. Today Sunday I went to church, not the one we "usually" go to but one that my moms friend invited her to. We went it was okay, I just felt that they prayed more than preached. Or so does the guest speaker. So I guess I can't judge the church by that person. Well that was weird. After the service, which my mom, my brother and I went to, we went to t-shirt outlet, then to eat at Del-Taco the we went to Kohls again but that was to get the stuff that we put on hold and to get more stuff. I got a cute skirt. It is striped. The weekend I guess was okay. But it is this damn headache that has been following me everywhere I go. I have no idea how to get it off or get rid of it. So I am just going to try yoga and tea, hopefully that works. Well, I must go now I have to get up for school tomorrow. Wish my luck guys I wish the best for you all too. Goodnight or good morning depending on where you are at :)