Midpoint

   I have no idea what is going on now. I probably shouldn't be writing this because it's kind of lat and because I have to get up early tomorrow to do clinicals. So I might post this probably during the weekend so I can say everything that happened this week. Well I had a test this Tuesday that I didn't study well for but I got a B. So that is okay because I am not fighting for an A or whatever. I started my psychology class this Monday. I have read the syllabus and its a lot of work. But I can probably do it, I just really need to focus. I need to get an A in the psychology class. I don't know if I should try to get an A in my CNA course. I'll think about it and read some stuff online about it as well. Well today is Wednesday and I posted something as my status on FB (I know but I swear this is like weird what one of my friends wrote). Okay I wrote that in order to move forward you have to break down barriers, meaning like habits, negative influences and negative people if you have to. So then my friend comments saying oh everyone likes to feel like the victim and what not. I really do not like to be the victim because being the victim means dealing with shit. I didn't write that because you know if you lose control like do kind of when writing means that your kind of crazy. Sometimes it does. Okay but seriously I mean would you guys like it if I would follow you around and call you stupid, ugly, and make people that I and you don't know feel uncomfortable because I say stupid things like oh don't show him/her that because it might provoke them, or I know she so stupid the answer was so obvious, I can go on forever with this list. But this "friend" has done this things to me. So would you all like me to do that to you? No. Right? First of all this is disrespectful, rude and annoying to everyone. Second you are a grown person, you are not a little kid going through the puberty phase in need to push someone down to feel better about yourself. The friend that commented said that there is this book that he read that talks about learning to accept people or whatever, something like that like that you are the stress of your life. Yes that's it that nothing can bother you as much as your mind does. Well let me tell you something I believe that people can bother you more than your mind if it gets to the level that I am on. Its her the person who keeps making my life a hell. I went a semester without her. I took different classes than her, the only way I was able to do this was because she failed Chemistry and Anatomy so she had to take them over again. Well then. I have to tell you guys more about the "friend" because then maybe you will able to see it how I see it. But the mind I understand how its a stressor because its constantly trying to analyze, to solve, to seek the most efficient way out of something, basically always deducting our life. Well, I have to go because I have to wake up early and go to school and I also have to get my stuff ready for tomorrow and what not. I'll be back soon probably on Saturday. Till then, then.

    Hello, I am back. Today is Saturday. I have three exams this upcoming week. So I must study but I can never seem to find the feel to study during the day. I must, or I will go to sleep and then get up at night to study. I think its because its hot during the day and because I am lazy and don't want to study. Well everything seems to be going well. I feel good today. This morning I woke up and felt like I was a kid again. My mind was free of worries and stress. I held on to the feeling for a while then it left but I feel good still. Ah. Oh about the CNA program it is weird too much hard work I always come out feeling weird and tired when I am done with clinicals. On the last week of school we go all that week to clinicals. Which is good and bad; good because we practice skills bad because I am so dead after each day. I really do hope everything continues to go the way it is because I feel good. I still am not at the reach or the point where I want to be with my studies. But I am trying. I should really stop writing and get to studying. Jeez, I play a bit of piano but I want to memorize a piece, maybe Beethoven or Mozart or something easy. I need to really focus on school. Like always. I should hit it hard because next year I am going to have 8 months off of school. So that is good, I shall keep that in mind when I am about to die while studying. I keep breaking down a lot. Like right now I just felt like crying I don't know why. When I was studying this week I actually did cry. I just couldn't capture or hold in anymore. I haven't had a break from school so I think that is what it is. But next year, oh next year will be great. This year its going to start getting good that is if I get all the things that I need to get done. I need to get my drivers licence, I know I have been saying that a lot that is because I was scared to get it at first and I still am because I don't want to fail it I want to pass it the first time. Well that is going to happen 4 weeks from now on a Friday is when I need to take it because that will be the only day off that I will have. Okay then I just feel so weird now like I am flying. It's good. I tried chipotle yesterday heres a picture:

It was good. Made from organic food. Or so they claim. I feel the urge to go hiking or to travel right now. But I will have time next year. I hope. I hope to get accepted into CSULB or WCU. I need to find other nursing schools around me that offer a BSN because I don't want to do ADN. Well then ah, I feel tired today and I am drinking coffee! Okay I just vacuumed my room a bit, I have to do laundry and study. I need to start getting serious about everything I am 20 years old! My time to live, to be hardcore, to be happy starts now. Unfortunately it comes with hardcore times like studying to have a good job and stuff. I just keep hearing that it is going to be worth it in the end. Oh I went to Starbucks yesterday and me and some girl started talking. She was nice, 23 and moved to Anaheim a while ago she told me. She is planning to go back to school and study business. She told me that school and studying will be worth it in the end. I should start paying attention to people because yea you know I also think it would be worth it because you will be good financially and have a good house and what not. I feel good. I keep saying that I will try to hold on to this feeling and I will try to change but its so hard to change.

    Okay this past Sunday Drake Bell was at Disneyland! Ah I am never going to meet a famous person am I. The thing is that he is always there I heard and saw. So hopefully he comes back that way I can meet him, because I grew up watching him on Drake and Josh. I can't wait till I am done with summer school because then I am going to get a break and I am planning on going to the beach or somewhere before I start the Fall semester. I am somewhat excited on starting the Fall semester because by then I will have a car, I will be attending University and I will be working. I hope to work at Kaiser Permanente, where my aunt works as a CNA. So I was thinking if I do like volunteer work there and if my aunt can help get me in then that would be good because they pay your school if you attend. I really need to find a third school to apply to for their nursing program I don't know which one. I really really really!! Want to attend CSULB! But that school is so difficult to get accepted into for their nursing program. All I can do is hope and try to get accepted. Oh my gosh! I forgot that I am supposed to be studying for the TEAS test! Jeez I am supposed to take it in December. But first I am supposed to find a school that offers it in December. Gosh that test is going to kill me because its simple but its that simple hard you know the type that focuses on every little detail. I have to memorize conversions for this upcoming test and for the TEAS test. I am going to try to stay up tonight and get as much studying done, I mean its so hot to study. Maybe I should have gone to the library with my friend. I hope I don't fail anything. 

    Okay I guess I'd better get going now I don't feel like doing anything. But I hope I do get stuff done today or tonight. Well then everyone have a great summer. I am going to try to get some things done. I really hope I can its just the heat! Jeez Cali. I know its worse in other places though. Till next week everyone have a great day or night depending where you are at.