How to get Rid of the Burden

     Hello, I haven't been on here for a while because I have been tired of school and everything has worn me out. Well something has arisen that has been coming up ever since I was a teenager, that I have been trying to ignore. What is my purpose in life? I know its such a cliche but really, what am I even doing here? Nothing I tell you. My life is a mess. Today, well yesterday which was Saturday because I saved this as a draft. I got my Mom mad but that is only because I told her what she didn't want to hear which was the truth. You all probably know the saying that the truth hurts. So yea people get mad when they hear what they don't want to hear. Anyways, today I went to my friends 21st birthday party. I haven't told you guys that much about this "friend" well here goes... I met her in high school. We were both sophomores and now we are juniors in College so we have been "friends" for about 6 years. Okay, so I am not quick to judge people, I've never been. I mean I will make an assumption of who you are but it won't be set in stone. Alright, well I have known her for years now and she has always put me down in front of people. Always. Like what kind of a friend is that? I am tired of  her doing the same thing!!! Ah and you know what the worse thing is? That she wants to go with me to Europe and she wants to graduate with me and she wants me to take classes with her. I am so tired of this bull shit. I have given her more than enough chances to prove herself to me. The problem now is that Europe trip. I am dead serious I don't want her in Europe with me. Okay here is the deal since you guys might be thinking that I invited her to Europe. Okay, so we were talking about graduating and schools and stuff like that. Then I said that I am going to graduate this Fall and that is why I took two science classes this semester so I can have that whole 8 months to travel and what not. Then all of a sudden she comes up with this one thing that she said that she and her family are moving but they don't know where; and because of that she is going to get two science classes this Fall so she can graduate with me. Like WHAT THE FUCK! I try so hard to get her off my case off my life. I try to not hurt her feelings which I should because that is all she does to me. Then after she said that because she is going to do that that then she can go on a trip with us ( me and whoever of my fam. goes). Do you guys see anywhere where I specifically told her that she can go on a trip with me? No. I don't understand her but after knowing her for a couple of years I have come to the conclusion that she is insecure.

    The thing now is how to get her out of my life. Because I'd rather be alone than to be made fun of, than to be put down in front of people, than to be laughed at, than for her to be my "friend". How will I do this? Well I have a series of things that will tear us apart. First after this semester is done. You all know that I'll be entering the CNA program. Then I will enroll in three summer school classes. A reading class and 2 psychology classes. Then in the Fall I will be attending CSUF and Fullerton College because that is where I am going to take that violin class that I have been dying to take and yoga. Then at CSUF I will take microbiology and perhaps ethnic studies. Probably another reading class too. You know what she told me? She said that I should take yoga with her and psychology and microbiology and everything. The thing is that she doesn't know that I am going to do the CNA program and that I got accepted to CSUF. Oh and good news she is going to apply for a nutrition major and a nursing major and which ever she gets accepted as then she will pursue. As for I, I am still a nursing major. So yea only nursing. My goal is to graduate from a CSU and well hopefully its CSULB but I'll take CSUF. If I don't get accepted into a CSU then I'll atened West Coast University and transfer to CSULB. But hopefully I get into CSULB out of undergrad (even though my grades aren't that good :( )

    So how to get rid of someone who is making your life a hell? Just get rid of them. One of my friends from high school when we hung out last week she kept asking about a friend that she had in high school. They were close in high school, so I was wondering why she kept asking about her. She told me that she kept trying to get in touch with her through Facebook and texts, also that she lived close to her. That she moved and didn't tell her anything. I don't know why she would do that but I am also in no conditions to ask her if one of her actions caused that to happen. Well, that maybe what I have to do to get rid of my burden. Perhaps I shall give her a reason to why I am not going to be her friend anymore. And she will know why, and she will know that she can't say anything to make me stay. All right and that is how to get rid of someone. Now that we end school in the ending of May that will be the last of her. Thank God for that. I know she will try to make contact with me in the summer. But I will simply ignore. And if she asks my sister or someone for me then well I'd say something but not to have her in my life no more.

    Perhaps this step of getting rid of a burden is well rather going to make me a bit anti social in the summers and stuff like that. But then it isn't because I make friends in class they add me on Facebook and yea that is how it is. Being an adult. What a pain. I think I need to find myself a boyfriend. But you know I am always pushing myself away from that when a guy starts to flirt with me. I don't know why I mean the guys that go after me are cute. I guess its just that I am scared to fall in love with them and then to have them leave and well yea. What a feeling that would be, and that is why I am not in a relationship right now (or ever was). I am just scared of getting hurt. I guess that is what life is about though; when you think of it its about learning and learning is pain. Talking about pain oh God how badly do I want to live. I want to be happy so badly. But I am always stuck in the same shit. School which is a pain and home that is it nothing else is being done. My mom says that we are going to Tijuana in August. So I am looking forward to that and the trip to Italy next year. Perhaps for 2 and a half weeks. So I am really excited for that to happen. I mean I've only been to 3 European countries the U.K., Spain and France. Oh yes and I'll also be having a job in the summer when I am done with the CNA program. Which is exciting because then I can buy myself a whole lot of clothes and save money for the Europe trip! Ah how fun.

   Well I must go now I hope all your lives are going great. As for mine well its going to start to get good right after this semester, then I'll be free. So now I am going to study and hope to get an A in all my classes. So dear Lord help me get these A's because physiology class is killing me. Okay got to go.